Here For You
by Castielnerdangel
Summary: Immediately after losing his grace, Castiel has to deal with new emotions and goes to Dean for help


Something was missing. Castiel didn't feel whole. He felt small and insignificant. He was human.

Castiel looked up at the sky, watching his brothers and sisters fall from the stars. His eyes burned and his throat felt tight. The sound of the bodies falling from the sky and their wings disintegrating around them, was deafening.

Castiel walked for a while, the bodies still falling around him. He walked until he saw a road and continued in the direction to where he thought the bunker was.

"Hey buddy, you need a ride?" Yelled a man in a truck who pulled up next to him.

Castiel nodded and moved to the passenger side seat. "What the hell is going on?" Asked the man as he looked out the window at the sky. The man kept rambling about his theories for what was going on but Castiel ignored him and stared out at the sky.

The man dropped him off and fortunately it wasn't too far from the bunker. It had started to rain, but Castiel didn't care. The rain was refreshing and he hoped it would wash away his guilt.

He saw the impala in the front and knocked on the door. He took a deep breath and wondered why he was even there. He had disgraced people on earth and even more in heaven, but felt the worst about facing Sam and Dean.

Dean opened the door and stared at a drenched Castiel. "Cas, what happened man?" Asked Dean as he let him inside.

Castiel couldn't find the words to say "I ruined everything." Nothing he could say or do would be enough to make up for what he had done. Dean got him a clean pair of jeans and a t shirt and sent him to change. A couple minutes later Cas came out of the room but the only thing that had changed was his clothes. He still looked depressed and he felt even worse.

Dean sat on the couch and gestured for Cas to come sit next to him "now, tell me what happened."

Cas was silent and then he began to explain everything and how Metatron took his grace and used it to make all the other angels fall.

"It's all my fault. Again, I have let my brothers and sisters down. Again I have let you down" said Cas quietly, "I'm human. I'm useless" he added, a silent tear building in the corner of his eye.

"Look at me man, you are not useless. How do you think Bobby felt when he lost the ability to walk or when Sam had Lucifer wreaking havoc in his head and he could barely function or when I had to watch Sam die?" Asked Dean "we all felt useless in those moments, but we pushed through them and dealt with the situation we were given and you will do the same."

Cas shook his head and looked down. Opening the door to Purgatory, swallowing all the souls and now working with Metatron to supposedly close off Heaven, had all began with good intentions. He just wanted to do something right and ended up causing more trouble. A tear slid down his cheek and he lifted his hand to it.

Dean scooted closer to him and put his hand on his shoulder. "Angel or not, we need you" Dean said "I need you."

After a couple minutes of silence Dean stood up and led Cas to one of the rooms. "You're human and humans need to sleep" he said as he left and grabbed him something to wear for pajamas.

Cas put on the pajamas and slipped into bed. "Goodnight, Cas" said Dean, putting a hand on his shoulder before leaving to check on Sam, who was sleeping in another room.

This new idea of sleep was strange and foreign to Castiel. He laid there for a while staring up at the ceiling until his eyelids felt heavy. Before he knew it he was back in the chair in Naomi's office with Metatron looking down at him.

He felt his grace being pulled from him, his power draining away; he felt hollow and empty. "Tell me your story" was the last thing he heard before a bright light and he was down on earth. Bodies were falling from the sky and through the noise he heard someone. He followed the sound and found one of his brothers, lying on the ground, a pile of ashes and black feathers around him.

"Castiel?" He asked "you did this to me, to all of us" he yelled. The fallen angel grabbed a handful of ashes and let them

slip through his fingers. "You will pay for this, you will never be forgiven" he said, pure hatred in his eyes.

"Brother, I'm so sorry" said Castiel. He looked around and hundreds of fallen angels were surrounding him. They started to come closer. "I know you will never forgive what I have done, I'm sorry, to all of you" he said. They were grabbing at his coat, all of them covered in the ashes of their no longer existing wings. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry"...

"Castiel!...Cas!" He heard someone yell. The world around him disappeared and his eyes snapped open. Dean was standing above him, his hands on his shoulders, shaking him. Cas sat up and felt the stickiness of drying tears on his face. Dean sat down on the bed next to him and looked into his ocean blue eyes.

"This was Metatron's doing and no one else" Dean finally said "don't blame yourself for this, it will only make things worse" he added.

Cas stared at the floor for a while. "I don't think I like being human or this sleeping thing very much" he said, sadly.

"Well it will take some getting used to, but I will teach you what you need to know" said Dean. He suddenly got an idea and ran out of the room. Cas wiped his face and waited for Dean to return.

Dean came back with a circular container and two forks. "The one great thing about being human: pie" he said, grinning. He handed Cas a fork and gestured him to take a bite. Castiel thought it was silly eating in the middle of the night but he hesitantly took a bite.

The tastes were unlike anything he had ever experienced. The pie was sweet and the cherries burst in his mouth. "I see why you enjoy this so much" he said through a mouthful. Dean smiled and took a bite. "We will deal with this like we always do and things will get better but for now, we eat pie" said Dean, shoving another forkful in his mouth.


End file.
